


From the Beginning to the End

by YoruNoTenshi (TVXQmamacita)



Category: BoA (Musician), DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ, JYJ (Band)
Genre: Enlistment, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-21
Updated: 2015-07-21
Packaged: 2018-04-10 09:47:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4387130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TVXQmamacita/pseuds/YoruNoTenshi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After so many years together, Changmin wouldn't want Yunho to go</p>
            </blockquote>





	From the Beginning to the End

Yunho was only fifteen years old, but he remembered it like it was yesterday.

"Hello," the boy in front of him greeted shyly. His big, round eyes and odd shaped lips caught Yunho's attention almost immediately. "My name is Shim Changmin." His soft voice almost matched the delicate features of his face.

_He's like a cute reindeer,_ Yunho supplied in his mind. He couldn't remember the last time he had seen someone with eyes that big. If he hadn't been so careful, he would have let his facial features soften significantly, staring at the strange boy with much amazement. Yunho couldn't let that happen. He was in charge of discipline, and he refused to let his tough exterior fall so easily. 

That realization brought about a concern for Yunho.  _Will he be able to handle my training? Did the scouts and executives warn him about me? Does Changmin know that I'm very strict with what I do? He looks so tender. I don't think he'll last. I feel so guilty already..._

"Nice to meet you, Changmin," Yunho said with a smile, holding his hand out and breaking his own thoughts. "My name is Jung Yunho."

The two of them shook hands.

_I give him a month._

"Do you dance?" Yunho asked, attempting to start a conversation with the younger one. 

Changmin's eyes got impossibly wider as he looked up at the older one before shaking his head. "I only sing," he answered timidly, as if he would be revoked of his trainee status over something as small as that.

Yunho looked at the younger one, and it hurt his heart to see how nervous Changmin really was. Yunho smiled, hoping to calm Changmin's anxiety a bit. "Don't worry," Yunho replied. "I'll help you, okay?" he promised as he started guiding the younger one to a studio.

Changmin nodded. "Thank you," he muttered in a voice so low, Yunho never heard it. 

* * *

December 26th, 2003.

His hands were shaking.

His entire body was shaking, in fact.

He was standing in utter disbelief, trying to understand the fact that he and the rest of his team were about to debut as Dong Bang Shin Ki.

Yunho had been waiting for this moment, and never did he imagine that a day that was to be filled with excitement would be filled with so much anxiety. Tonight he was debuting in a kpop idol group. He refused to let anything mess that up.

He was never the shy type. But for some reason, standing backstage and hearing the roaring crowd only made him more nervous. All Yunho could think about was how much this performance could impact the fame of the group and he couldn't let them down, no matter how small his role seemed.

It was then that he realized something as he noticed Junsu and Yoochun excitedly talking to each other, while Jaejoong was teasing BoA as usual.

Changmin wasn't anywhere to be found. Yunho's gut told him that the maknae must be a nervous wreck.

Yunho rushed over to Jaejoong, interrupting he and BoA's moment. After politely apologizing, he cut to the chase. "Changmin. Have you seen him?"

"Oh," Jaejoong replied. "He said he was going to the bathroom."

Yunho nodded before taking his leave, heading straight for the bathrooms. 

"Changmin!" he called out as he entered the bathroom, only greeted by the white walls and closed stalls. He was starting to think that Changmin had already left, but he froze upon hearing the creak of a slowly opening stall. 

Out of the very last stall came Changmin.

His eyes were glued to the floor, and Yunho didn't take long to notice how stiff Changmin's body seemed.

"Changmin-ah," Yunho said softly. "Are you okay?" It was a painfully dumb question. Changmin clearly was  _not_ okay, and Yunho knew that already. He just wanted to hear the maknae admit it.

"There are so many people out there," Changmin muttered. 

Yunho nodded. "I know," he replied. "And I'm frightened too."

Changmin released a shuddering breath before shaking his head. "I always thought I'd be ready for this day," he said shakily. "I thought I could do this but I'm so scared and I don't think-"

"Stop, Changmin," Yunho said, feeling guilty for interrupting the maknae so harshly. "I want you to stop for a second and hear me out, okay?"

Changmin slowly nodded, and Yunho took that as permission to continue.

"Tonight, you're going out there and you're gonna do great," Yunho began. "I watched you train, Changmin." He smiled. "You have such a beautiful voice and I never saw another trainee work as hard as you did. You're ready for this, okay?"

Changmin looked to the leader, his eyes widening slightly. "But what if-"

"Nothing bad is gonna happen, Min," Yunho said said he got closer to Changmin and placed his arm around his shoulders, slowly guiding him out of the bathroom. "You're gonna do great."

Changmin stopped walking and swallowed the lump in his throat. "But what if I don't?" he asked, his eyes scrunching in concern. 

"But you won't," Yunho replied confidently. He smiled, removing his arm from Changmin's shoulders. "I know you won't mess up." He leaned closer to the maknae. "It's Jaejoong we need to watch out for," he whispered, causing Changmin to laugh softly. Yunho's smile only grew bigger as he noticed Changmin had relaxed a little bit. He moved his hand to fix Changmin's hair. "Are you ready?"

Changmin bit his lip, looking down to the floor. He squeezed his eyes shut. 

"It's okay to be nervous," Yunho informed him. "It gets our adrenaline pumping." He smiled again, placing his finger under Changmin's chin, forcing the both of them to look eye to eye. "We just have to know how to channel our energy. I'm nervous too. We all are."

"Where does all your energy go?" Changmin asked.

"I just dance even stronger," Yunho answered truthfully. "But everyone is different. Where you put your energy is up to you."

Changmin nodded in understanding. "How do I know it'll work?" he asked.

"It will," Yunho said. "You trust me, don't you?"

Changmin nodded. "Of course I do," he replied.

Yunho smiled, grabbing Changmin's hand as he started leading the maknae out again. It was almost time for them to debut. "Then trust me when I say that you're gonna do great."

* * *

"He'll be okay," Jaejoong whispered into Changmin's ear. Those words did nothing to calm the maknae's panic though, because upon hearing those words, his shoulders began trembling even more. All Jaejoong could do was look at Changmin full of sympathy. He was only 18 years old, and he had been completely unconsolable ever since all of them had been rushed to the hospital.

Changmin had been curled up, burying his face in his knees as ever since they got here.

Jaejoong was extremely scared, he would never deny that. But seeing Changmin in this state made something snap inside of Jaejoong.

Yunho was the one in the hospital right now, and that meant Jaejoong was the one who was to take his place for now.

He hated it, because he realized how much pain Yunho usually hid when something went wrong, just so he could take care of the others.

Jaejoong made a point to make sure that Yunho never carried that much burden from then on.

Jaejoong looked up to see their manager pacing in front of them, waiting for the doctor to tell them  _something_  about Yunho. Junsu and Yoochun were watching the manager with concerned eyes as well; both of their eyes were wet from recent crying.

A doctor walked up to them soon after, even though it felt like decades later.

While their manager was the one to do all the talking and listening, the four young ones only heard five words.

_"You can see him now."_

They didn't even wait for their manager's approval, and began rushing to Yunho's room. Even Changmin in his seemingly catatonic state, was lucid enough to rush along with them.

Yunho was asleep when they all burst into his room, but he looked much better than he had after he started coughing up blood.

The four of them slowly approached Yunho's bed, their manager leaving the room to give them some privacy.

"Yunho," Jaejoong whispered softly, grabbing the leader's hand.

As if Yunho heard Jaejoong's call, his eyes began fluttering, a soft moan escaping his lips. 

Everyone's eyes widened.

"Yunho," Jaejoong said again, this time a little louder.

Yunho slowly opened his eyes. "Hey," he said casually with a smile, though exhaustion was still in his voice. 

Changmin felt his body tense up at the sight of Yunho smiling. 

Yunho shouldn't be smiling, not after what just happened.

"Hyung," Junsu said. "How do you feel?"

Yunho sighed as he closed his eyes. "Tired," he answered simply. "They pumped my stomach and now I feel kinda weird too."

"Go back to sleep, Hyung," Yoochun said, wiping away a stray tear. "They're letting us spend the night with you."

Yunho sighed again, this time in relief. Another smile crossed his face as he opened his eyes. "Good," he replied. "I don't want to be alone right now."

Jaejoong nodded. "We know."

Yunho turned to Changmin, noticing that the maknae had been shockingly quiet. "Minnie," he called to the maknae. "Are you okay?"

Changmin lifted his eyes to meet Yunho. "Of course I'm fine," he replied coldly. "I'm not the one who was poisoned."

"And I'm glad," Yunho replied, the smile still on his face. "If something happened to you, I would have died on the spot."

Changmin's eyes started watering up again, that's something everyone noticed, including Yunho despite his sleepy state. Seeing Changmin on the verge of tears only made Yunho wonder if he had said the wrong thing.

"Changmin-"

"Why did you even drink it?!" Changmin suddenly asked, causing everyone in the room to slightly jump. "She laced your juice with super glue. Didn't it taste funny to you?"

"Changmin," Junsu said, almost sounding breathless. None of them had ever seen Changmin act like this.

Whether Changmin didn't hear Junsu, or he just chose to ignore him, they weren't sure, because he just kept on going. "Didn't it feel thicker than normal? Why did you have to drink that  _entire_  bottle?" He looked to Jaejoong now, the tears finally spilling from his eyes. "And you," he said to the oldest one as he pointed to him in an accusatory manner. "You _always_ fuss over us like a mother hen. How did you let Yunho drink that? Didn't you know something was wrong with it?"

Jaejoong looked to the floor, a sudden pang of guilt forming in his chest.

"Changmin," Yoochun said this time. "Neither of them is at fault. We were all tired and had been caught up in the excitement of the day. Yunho's sick because of a crazy anti-fan, not because of a fault of their own or anyone here."

"We should just be glad Yunho's okay," Junsu said with a smile, even though the sadness in his eyes were still noticeable.

"This is a stupid drink Yunho has every day!" Changmin argued, stomping his right foot in the process. "He should have known that something was wrong with it!"

Yunho suddenly felt uncomfortable as he listened to the others talk about him almost as if he weren't even there. "Um..." he quietly said. "Do you guys mind if Changmin and I have a moment alone?"

Jaejoong glanced at Changmin before turning back to Yunho. He knew Changmin would never do anything to harm Yunho, but Jaejoong suddenly felt uncomfortable leaving the two of them alone. 

"Please?" Yunho added.

"Come on," Yoochun said softly as he grabbed Jaejoong's hand and led him out the door, followed by an equally nervous Junsu.

The silence in the room was so strong that Yunho could feel his body tensing up. "I thought it tasted kinda weird at first," Yunho finally muttered, causing the maknae to look at him in shock. "But I figured it was all in my head, so I kept drinking."

Changmin stared at the ground, biting his lip, another stray tear falling from his face. 

"I'm sorry, Min," Yunho said.

Changmin finally looked up. "What?" he asked

Yunho swallowed the lump in his throat. "I'm sorry," he repeated.

Changmin buried his face in his hands before gripping at his hair. "Why are you even apologizing?!" he asked. Changmin knew he wasn't making any sense at the moment. Even with that knowledge, he couldn't stop himself.

It could have been because of the shock, but it still puzzled Changmin every time he thought back to this moment.

"I'm sorry I made you upset," Yunho answered. "You know I would never want to do something like that."

Changmin didn't have anything to say. He was too busy trying to wonder how Yunho could continue acting like this despite Changmin's behavior. 

"Changmin-ah," Yunho said, this time he voice sounding significantly sadder than before. "Can you come here?"

"Hyung-"

"Please?" Yunho pleaded. "Even if it's just for a few seconds."

The room was silent, save for Changmin's deep breaths. Several seconds passed before he slowly started making his way towards Yunho's bed. He kept his gaze down, and didn't see the smile that formed on Yunho's face as the maknae approached him.

Yunho patted the space next to him. "Have a seat," he offered, glad when Changmin obeyed, even though he sat with his back towards the older one.

"Are you really okay?" Changmin asked.

The fact that Changmin was willing to initiate conversation really surprised Yunho. "I'm fine, Yunho answered truthfully. 

"You were really scared, right?" Changmin asked.

"I was," Yunho replied with a nod. "I didn't understand what was going on at the time and it really frightened me." Yunho paused, taking a look at his shaken maknae. "I know all of you were really scared too. I wish you guys hadn't seen any of this."

Changmin's body stiffened once again as he realized what Yunho was feeling. The leader just went through a near death experience, and the concern he had was not wanting to worry his band mates. Finally, Changmin turned, facing the leader. For some strange reason, Changmin still couldn't meet his eyes, but he figured his slight change in position was progress. "Hyung," he said. "We should have protected you."

"There's nothing that you could have done, Min," Yunho argued. "I'm alive right now, and I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful that everyone is okay."

"You didn't deserve this," Changmin said.

 "Trust me, Min," Yunho began. "I wouldn't wish this on anyone." He smiled, still waiting for the maknae to finally look at him. "But I already told you that I'm okay."

What Changmin did next completely shocked Yunho. 

The maknae laid down next to Yunho, wrapping his skinny arms around Yunho's waist, almost burying his face into the older one's chest.

"Changmin..." Yunho said, completely at a loss for words. 

"Promise you'll be more careful," Changmin pleaded. "You could have died."

"I'll do my best to be careful," Yunho promised with a smile. "I'm sorry for scaring you like this."

"I'm sorry for yelling at you," Changmin replied. "I shouldn't have said any of that and I'm sorry. I know this isn't your fault."

Yunho smiled. "You were upset, Minnie," he reasoned as he briefly started combing his fingers through Changmin's hair. "It's okay. You can't blame yourself for what you said."

Changmin shook his head. "It doesn't matter. I still said it."

"Changmin, look at me," Yunho commanded.

The maknae was hesitant, but slowly, he moved his head to look at the leader in the eyes for the first time.

"I don't want you beating yourself up over this," Yunho said, his voice was still gentle, but Changmin could hear the authoratative tone behind it. "What happened tonight scared you very much and no one can blame you for how you reacted."

Changmin held Yunho tighter.

"You want to go to sleep?" Yunho asked.

Changmin shook his head. "I just want to stay here with you," he said truthfully, despite the fact that he really was tired.. "Is that okay?"

Yunho nodded. "Of course it's okay," he answered. "That would make me very happy."

Changmin smiled. "Good," he replied. "Because you're not gonna get a lotta privacy for a while." He stirred a little, stiffling the yawn that tried to escape from his lips. "We'll be watching you like hawks. No more accepting drinks or food unless it's from one of us, okay?"

Yunho chuckled. "You don't have to tell me twice," he admitted petting Changmin's hair. "But isn't taking away my privacy a little too far?"

"If it means making sure you're okay, then no," Changmin answered.

"Okay," Yunho gave in, smiling as he watched Changmin slowly close his eyes. He leaned down and kissed Changmin's forehead. "If that's what will make you happy."

* * *

"Are you sure you're okay?" Yunho asked, his eyes furiously roaming the maknae's body as he checked for injury. 

Changmin nodded. "I'm fine, Yunho," he answered for what seemed like the thousandth time. "They really didn't hurt me."

Yunho bit his lip as he stared at the youngest one. Changmin really did look fine, but that didn't make Yunho or the others worry any less.

"That still doesn't give them a right to throw things at you," Jaejoong said bitterly. The fact that the girls that did this to Changmin claimed to be fans of Jaejoong made the oldest one feel especially guilty. He had no control over what happened today, and he was very aware of that, but everything still really upset him.

As if he could read Jaejoong's mind, Changmin turned to him and smiled. "Don't be too hard on yourself, okay?" he said. "Your fans were just jealous that I'm so much more handsome than you. They couldn't handle the competition." Changmin dramatically put his hand on his chest, closing his eyes and nodding. "It happens to everyone that looks at me."

"Yup," Junsu spoke up as Jaejoong smiled. "He's okay."

Yoochun nodded in agreement, amusement written all over his face.

Yunho checked Changmin's forehead again, seeing that there were no bruises, he relaxed again. He knew Changmin would be annoyed if the leader continued fretting over him, so Yunho figured it was best to keep his concerns to himself.

Changmin smiled. "Seriously, everyone. I'm fine," he reassured, hoping everyone, Yunho and Jaejoong especially, would calm down. "I was scared and upset over it, but I'm okay now."

Jaejoong sighed. "You didn't deserve that," he said. "They could have just left you alone."

"But they didn't," Changmin reminded him. "And it's in the past. Let's keep it there and move on." He suddenly stood up, surprising everyone. "I'm going to bed," Changmin announced, turning and taking his leave.

Yunho sighed once the maknae left the room.

"Maybe we should all go to bed too," Jaejoong suggested after noticing the time that the clock on the wall showed. 

Yoochun nodded before everyone stood up as well, heading to their bedroom.

Instead of going to sleep, Yunho found himseolf going towards Changmin's bed, not surprised to see that the maknae really was asleep despite the short amount of time. He sat parallel to Changmin's sleeping form.

"I was so angry at those girls," Jaejoong spoke up, surprising Yunho. The leader looked up to see Jaejoong approaching. He sat on the other side of Changmin's bed and started playing with the maknae's hair. "I panic every time a stranger even  _touches_ my boy. Today I couldn't even protect him when it really mattered." 

Yunho nodded in agreement. "I know," he replied. "I made a promise to myself that no one could even  _look_ at Changmin in a threatening way without being punished." He let out a deep sigh.

"We may be terrible parents," Jaejoong said.

Yunho laughed softly. "He really is okay," he said, stating the obvious.

"If we hadn't seen what happened," Jaejoong began. "Do you think he would have told us about it?"

Yunho shook his head in answer. "Probably not," he said. "Changmin hates it when he feels like we're babying him. Can't say that I blame him, though."

"He's growing up," Jaejoong said with a smile. "But we still treat him like a little kid."

"Well just look at his face," Yunho pointed out.

Jaejoong laughed. He leaned down and placed a kiss on Changmin's forehead. "Good night, maknae," he whispered before standing off the bed. 

Yunho stood up as well. "Good night, Min," Yunho whispered to Changmin as Jaejoong walked away. "I'll do much better at protecting you from now on. I promise."

* * *

"Changmin," Yunho said cautiously as he watched the maknae standing in front of him. His hair was disheveled, his eyes were red and wet, and his face was distorted by the anger he felt. Despite that, he still resolved to keep a prideful front.

"We don't need them," Changmin muttered angrily. 

Yunho's eyes slightly widened. "Changmin-"

"We'll be okay!" Changmin continued. "Dong Bang Shin Ki is just a name. We didn't  _have_ to have five members in this group." He paused, nodding as he smirked. "We'll be fine with just the two of us. My voice was always better than theirs. None of them could ever beat me. And you? Junsu can never dance as well as you. Just watch. They're going to look like  _idiots_ when they try to debut as three members. WE DON'T NEED THEM!"

Yunho felt his his own eyes watering as well and suddenly felt an ache in his chest. He hated hearing Changmin talk like this, because deep down, Yunho already knew how the maknae felt.

Hurt. Betrayed. Angry. Sad. 

Yunho also knew that as crazy as it seemed, Changmin felt guilty as well.

They both felt like that; wondering what they had done wrong, thinking of things they could have done better to make the others stay.

But their brains always came up empty.

"They're still our brothers, Changmin," Yunho said softly, surprised that Changmin even let him speak.

Changmin scoffed. "Our brothers," he repeated with disgust. "Is this how brothers are supposed to act towards each other? They left us!" He reminded the leader. A tear fell from Changmin's eye, but he didn't notice. "They lost the right of being called my brothers," he choked.

"I'm so sorry, Changmin," Yunho said suddenly, surprising him. He started shaking his head as he let a tear fall from his eyes as well.

"Don't do this, Yunho!" Changmin yelled. He already knew where Yunho was going with this. "Don't you dare try to take blame of something that's not your fault! I hate when you do that!"

"I couldn't make them stay," Yunho reasoned, a statement that had been running through his mind the whole time and he finally had a chance to say it. "I'm the leader and I couldn't make them stay." He looked down at the ground in shame. As leader it was his responsibilty to keep the band together, and he failed at that. He felt like he had let everyone down, and it was only a matter of time before Changmin realized that and left him as well.

"You weren't the one who pushed them away!" Changmin argued, breaking Yunho's thoughts. 

"But I-"

"Just shut up, Yunho!" Changmin begged. "We just lost the others! I'm not gonna let you lose yourself over unwarranted guilt!"

Yunho bit his lip, trying hard to silence himself before he could say anything else that could possibly upset Changmin any further. 

That led to the long silence in the room. Yunho could hear Changmin's heavy breathing. The two of them stared at each other eye to eye.

In that silence, something must have snapped inside of Changmin, giving him the oppotunity to hear all the thoughts racing through his head.

Yunho's eyes widened as he watched Changmin collapse onto his knees right in front of him. All the tears Changmin tried holding in finally broke loose. The maknae didn't even try to hide his sobs as he looked to the floor. "They left," he choked in between his sobs. "They actually left."

Yunho could only describe Changmin's current state in one word: pitiful. It made Yunho's heart break, and at this point, he couldn't tell what was hurting him more; the fact that three of his friends had just left, or seeing Changmin like this. He sighed, slowly getting on his knees as well. He wrapped his arms around Changmin, allowing the maknae to cry on his shoulder. He felt tears escape his own eyes as well, and they only continued to fall faster as Changmin continued to cry.

"I didn't want them to leave," Changmin pointed out. 

Yunho knew that; he felt the same way. But for some reason, hearing Changmin say that made Yunho feel terrible.

He felt Changmin hold him tighter. "I don't want you to go too," the maknae said, almost sounding like a child again.

Yunho tensed up at Changmin's statement. "Of course I won't leave you, Min," he replied. "I would never even _think_  of doing such a thing."

As if Changmin didn't hear Yunho's promise, Changmin continued his pleas. "I don't want to be alone," he said. "I don't want to do this alone."

"I'm not letting you do this alone," Yunho said calmly, trying to make his voice sound as reassuring as possible. "I don't want to be alone, either."

Changmin swallowed. "Promise me you'll stay," he commanded, even though his voice didn't sound strong at all. "Promise me."

Yunho nodded. "I won't leave you," he said. "I promise. I'll stay by your side. I'll do anything you need me to do. I promise. I'll stay with you, okay?"

Changmin didn't say anything, but he definitely heard and understood Yunho's words. His sobs became slightly more rough, he held Yunho tighter, further burying his face into the leader's shoulder.

Yunho rubbed circles into the younger one's back. "I'll stay," he repeated. "I promise."

* * *

 Yunho couldn't help but notice that he and Changmin fought a lot more now. 

It was Changmin who started most of the fights, but even knowing that, he couldn't be mad at the younger one.

Changmin was never a fan of change. He liked for things to stay the way they were. Change made him feel uncomfortable and tense. When Changmin was tense, almost everything made him irritable.

It was hard for Changmin to adjust to the fact that the other three members had left. Yunho understood that, and he also knew that Changmin hadn't figured out how to handle that empty feeling; not yet anyway. That confusion only led to Changmin being even more aggressive.

"Let's move out," Changmin said angrily one day.

Several things went wrong that day. It started when Yunho tried making lunch for the two of them. That didn't go so well after Yunho cut himself as he was cutting onions. While he was treating his now sore thumb, the food on the stove began to burn.

Changmin finally came, trying to fix the "disaster" Yunho caused, grumbling under his breath every few minutes before finally finishing the meal.

The breaking point was when Changmin gave Yunho the simple task of retrieving plates for the both of them to use. Yunho was already a bit cautious due to Changmin's mood, but even as careful as he tried to be, he still ended up dropping one of the plates that he pulled from the cabinet.

The clay object shattered into several pieces, and all Yunho could do was watch with wide eyes as the plate went down. There was a loud crash as the plate made contact with the floor.

"I just asked you to get me some plates," Changmin said quietly, looking down at the ground. He stared at the broken pieces before looking up to face Yunho. "You can't even do something as simple as that?"

Hearing those words hurt Yunho without a doubt. "Changmin," Yunho said. "I'm sorry about that. Let me clean this up and-"

"You screw up everything!" Changmin yelled, causing Yunho to slightly jump. "You can't do anything right and I'm tired of this!"

"Changmin I said I'm sorry!" Yunho responded. He wasn't sure where that outburst had come from. Usually when Changmin got like this, he'd try to stay calm, because Yunho realized that  _someone_ had to be level-headed in those situations. He also tried to see everything from the maknae's point of view. He always thought that if he could figure out the root of Changmin's anger, he could help fix it.

"Sorry doesn't fix it!" Changmin yelled. "It doesn't fix anything you've messed up!" 

"What do you want from me, Changmin?" Yunho asked. "There's no pleasing you anymore! Everything I do pisses you off!" he pointed out. "I'm not perfect, you know!"

Changmin scoffed. "So you always think nothing is your fault?" he asked. "I've had to put up with you so much-"

"Don't you think I've had to put up a lot with you?!" Yunho argued. "I have to walk on eggshells around you sometimes! You take your anger out on me for everything but I take it! I've lost sleep just to make sure that you're okay! I've always been the one to take care of you and not once did I complain! You have no right to tell me that you've had to deal with so much from me, because whatever pain I've caused you, I've had to put up with three times that!" Yunho finished, slamming his fist onto the countertop before he realized everything he had just said.

It was too late to take it all back.

"Let's move out," Changmin said, breaking the heavy silence in the room. 

It wasn't a suggestion. It was a command. There was no negotiating; there was no taking back of any words. What's done is done.

"Let's move out," Yunho repeated, showing his agreement.

He felt defeated, and everyday he wished he could take back everything he said.

* * *

Yunho would never admit it out loud, but his relationship with Changmin did improve once the two of them started living separately. 

 Yunho was very grateful for that. Trying to keep the name of Dong Bang Shin Ki alive with just the two of them was just as hard as he anticipated, if not harder. He knew they needed to be there for each other, and they couldn't do that if there was still tension between them.

They started slowly working things out again; late night phone calls, eating dinner together, working out together, or even just simply watching TV together.

Yunho loved that routine, and was glad that Changmin loved it too. 

 No matter how busy their schedules got, Changmin and Yunho tried their hardest to see each other at least once a week.

Yunho started to believe that Changmin was alright and that he never had to worry about the maknae anymore. 

But that changes when Yunho arrives at Changmin's apartment. Yunho hadn't heard from the maknae this past week. While he knew Changmin liked to have his space, Yunho couldn't help but feel that something was wrong.  

He knocked on the door, not surprised by how quiet it was inside. Changmin liked it that way, always reading something. But it was after Yunho knocked a second time was when he began to worry a little.

Without a second thought, Yunho pulled out his keys, aiming to use the spare key to Changmin's apartment for emergencies.

The weird feeling in Yunho's gut told him this was definitely an emergency. 

"Changmin-ah," Yunho called out as he got the door open. He closed the door behind him. The kitchen and living room were empty and seemed completely untouched since the last time Yunho had been here. The lights were off, and if Yunho didn't lnow any better, he would have just assumed that Changmin wasn't home.

But then he heard something.

"Changmin?" Yunho called out again, making his way into the hallway.

He gets to Changmin's room, and the stench of alcohol hits Yunho like a brick.

"Changmin?" Yunho says again as he opens the door slowly. 

Changmin is sitting up in his bed. Yunho doesn't count how many soju bottles are on the floor, but he knows enough to see that Changmin has reached his limit. The maknae's eyes are red, tears still streaming down his red, sweaty face.

What breaks Yunho's heart even more is seeing how long it takes for Changmin to realize that Yunho is there.

But even though Changmin is clearly drowning in dispair, his face seems to lighten when he finally does notice Yunho's presence; the leader standing dumbly at the doorway in shock and confusion. "Hyung," Changmin says before a hiccup escapes his lips. 

Yunho is freed from his stupor at the sound of his maknae's voice. He rushes towards Changmin's bed and sits at the edge. "Changmin," he said, his voice laced with concern. "What happened?"

Changmin smiled. "You're - _hic_ \- here," he said, stating the obvious. But such a statement only has Yunho worrying more, because he knows Changmin's trying to hide something.

But Yunho played along anyway. "Of course I'm here," he replied kindly, bringing his hand to Changmin's hair. "I was worried about you."

"W'rried?" Changmin asked, as if he were shocked. "'bout me?"

Yunho nodded. "Of course I was," he answered. "I care so much about you. I'm always worried about you because I don't want anything bad happening to you." He stared at Changmin, studying the maknae in hopes of finding out what was going on. "I hadn't heard from you so I got scared."

Changmin groaned, leaning forward until he rested his head on Yunho's shoulder.

Yunho didn't mind the bad smell and the sweat. He shifted a little, allowing Changmin to lean on him completely, before wrapping his arms around the drunk one. He felt his chest hurting as Changmin began sobbing, fisting Yunho's shirt in the process. 

"Changmin," Yunho said as he rubbed circles into Changmin's back. "Can you tell me what's wrong? You're worrying me."

Changmin didn't answer, and that didn't surprise Yunho. 

What surprised Yunho was what began to spill out of Changmin's mouth. Yunho knew that most of the what Changmin might have been saying may have been a result of his drunken stupor, but Yunho also knew that Changmin was hurting, it was just the alcohol that made it easier for the younger one to talk.

"'m always  _-hic-_  m'ssing up," Changmin began, too wasted to notice Yunho's facial expression. "'m s'rry. I _-hic-_  always stress you out."

Yunho shook his head. "I'm not stressed out because of you," he quickly replied. "And if I've ever given you that impression, I'm very sorry." Yunho smiled, slightly letting go of Changmin in order to make the younger one look up at him. "You always make me smile, Min. And honestly, I don't know how I would be able to do even _half_  of the things I've done if you weren't by my side. I'm very grateful towards that." 

Saying such sentimental things seemed pointless. Changmin was barely conscious as it is, and Yunho knew the maknae wasn't going to remember a lot of what had been said this evening. But everything Yunho had just said was the truth, and he'd say it a thousand times more if he needed to.

Changmin let out a moan, and Yunho could feel the younger one leaning heavier and heavier on him.

"Why don't you get some rest, Min?" Yunho suggested. He didn't even wait for the maknae's permission before he began helping Changmin lay down onto his bed. 

Yunho froze as he realized that Changmin hadn't let go of him.

"You're - _hic-_ leaving me too?" Changmin asked. His eyes were barely open at this point, but Yunho could tell that the younger one was looking at him with so much sadness.

Yunho shook his head. "I would never do that, Min," he promised. "I'll never leave. Do you want me to stay here with you tonight?"

Changmin answered with a half nod, and Yunho didn't hesitate to climb onto the bed next to Changmin, holding the younger one close as the remaining tears continued to fall from the younger one's eyes.

"It's okay, Changmin," Yunho said, even though he still didn't know what he was trying to comfort Changmin over. 

"Sleepy," Changmin replied, as if he hadn't heard anything Yunho had just said.

Yunho nodded. "I know," he said, moving his hands to wipe away Changmin's tears before petting Changmin's hair. "Go to sleep. I'll be right here, okay?"

Changmin closed his eyes, and Yunho was sure that Changmin had now drifted off into a peaceful slumber.

"Changmin-ah," Yunho whispered. "How did thoughts like those get in your head, huh? You know I would never leave you and I would never think anything bad about you."

Yunho never found out what was wrong with Changmin that night. Any time Yunho tried bringing it up in conversation, Changmin would casually avoid the topic. 

That didn't shock Yunho in the slightest, his prideful maknae would never admit to what was wrong.

But what Changmin never failed to say about that night, was how much he appreciated Yunho's presence; that the leader had saved him from himself; and that his heart was really touched, waking up with Yunho watching over him.

"I don't remember much from that night," Changmin mentioned. "But I just remember you being there and hugging me. And that's all I need to remember."

* * *

"You're actually enlisting?" Changmin asked. He wasn't sure why he seemed so shocked about this.

Yunho scoffed. "I have no choice," he pointed out. "We knew this was coming."

Changmin looked away, the food in front of him and Yunho was completely forgotten. 

"I thought you had more time," Changmin muttered. "I thought..." he stopped, suddenly feeling ridiculous. Of course this day would come. It's something every Korean male has to deal with. 

"Time really flew by," Yunho said. "I know. I almost didn't realize the time either."

"You'll be gone," Changmin said sadly.

"And then I'll come right back," Yunho said with a smile.

"But then I'll be enlisting!" Changmin reminded him.

Yunho was still smiling, but sadness was becoming evident on his face as well. "Changmin-ah," he said softly. "I'm so proud of everything you've done so far. You know that, right?"

Changmin nodded. Of course he knew that. Yunho practically said that everyday, and Changmin knew it wasn't out of routine. He never really knew why, but Yunho seemed so impressed with every little thing Changmin did. At first, Changmin always thought that was just Yunho trying to be the "good hyung", wanting to encourage Changmin to never give up. He thought a lot of what Yunho said about during interviews was Yunho...being Yunho.

He realized how wrong he was after finding out just how much Yunho talked about him without cameras and without Changmin's presence.

Changmin wasn't sure why, but knowing that fact had him smiling a lot more.

"While I'm gone, I know you'll continue making me proud," Yunho said. "Release a solo album, act in dramas or movies, or even take a break. I just want you to do what you want to do, and I want you to be happy, okay? Can you do that for me?"

Changmin nodded again. 

Yunho smiled. "Good," he replied. "I have to serve our country. I can't do that to the best of my ability if I'm constantly worrying about you all day."

The two of them laughed at that statement, but both of them stopped when they felt their eyes watering.

"I didn't think I'd miss you this much," Changmin admitted. "I always thought I'd be okay when you left."

"You  _will_ be okay when I leave," Yunho said confidently. "I know you will."

Changmin bit his lip, playing with one of his chopsticks. "When is it?" he asked, knowing that no matter what the answer was, he wouldn't like it. 

"July 21st," Yunho answered.

Changmin shook his head. "That's not a lot of time..." he trailed off.

Yunho smiled. "But it's enough," he said. "We just have to use the time we have left correctly."

* * *

"I took the police exam," Changmin announced over the phone. "I passed."

Changmim couldn't see him, but he knew that Yunho smiled at hearing that.  _"Of course you did,"_  he replied. _"I'm very proud of you."_

Changmin swallowed the lump in his throat. "I thought I could do it," he mumbled, looking down at the floor in shame, even though he knew he was by himself. "I thought I'd be okay with you gone."

_"My maknae isn't so tough, huh?"_ Yunho jokingly asked.

Changmin laughed shyly. "I guess not," he replied, feeling his eyes watering. 

_"You're gonna do great, Changdola,"_ Yunho said.  _"I know you will. As long as you're happy, I'm happy. You know that."_

Changmin nodded before releasing a sigh. "Singing on stage...knowing that you're not there...I never want to do that again." He laughed softly. "I couldn't even do that for two shows...I can't do that for two years."

Yunho nodded.  _"I thought I was the only one that felt that way,"_ he admitted. " _The idea of me singing on stage without you, scares me so much. You've become my other half, Min."_

"You never told me that," Changmin pointed out. "You don't like being alone on stage either?"

_"Of course not!"_ Yunho replied with a laugh.  _"That stage is too big. Besides, you motivate me to do better. I need that motivation when I'm on stage."_

"I...motivate you?"

Yunho laughed again.  _"Changmin. You're so cute,"_  he said.  _"You have an IQ of 150 but here you are acting so clueless."_

Any other day, Changmin would have gone on the full defensive. No one insulted his intelligence and got away with it.

_"I know you always think that I baby you,"_  Yunho continued, his voice becoming serious. _"I've always liked supporting you, and I guess I always went a little overboard,"_  he said, causing Changmin to laugh. _"But you've helped me a lot too, please don't forget that. You've always stood by my side and supported me. And how can I not forget the many times you forced me to eat or sleep when you thought I was neglecting my health and pushing myself too far? I'm proud of how far I've come, and you've had a big hand with that."_

Changmin didn't reply, but he heard everything Yunho said. His throat began to suddenly close up. Tears began falling down his face and he wasn't sure why, but he didn't try to stop them either.

_"Changmin?"_  Yunho asked in concern.  _"Are you still there?"_  

Changmin sniffled, wiping at his face. "Yeah," he answered, Yunho's voice snapping him out of his mute state. "I'm still here."

_"I'm going to really miss you, Changmim,"_  Yunho continued.  _"But while I'm gone, you'll always be on my mind. That way, I'll do my best until I get back."_

Changmin nodded. "I know you'll do great," he said. "I promise I'll do my best too."

_"Just because we'll be separated for a while doesn't mean that I won't be with you,"_  Yunho said.  _"You know that, right?"_

"Yes," Changmin answered right away. "I know."

_"Good,"_  Yunho replied.  _"Are you still coming to see me next week?"_

"I wouldn't miss it," Changmin answered with a smile.

_"I'm so excited,"_  Yunho said.  _"I know you've been so busy. Thanks for taking time out for me."_

"You'd do the same, idiot," Changmin said with a laugh.

_"I would,"_  Yunho replied. He was silent for a while, causing Changmin to wonder what was going on before he started talking again. _"My mom's calling me,"_  he said with a laugh.  _"It's time for dinner."_

"Okay," Changmin replied. "Go eat." He bit his lip. "I love you, Hyung."

_"Love you too, Min,"_  Yunho replied.  _"I'll see you next week,"_  he said before saying goodbye and hanging up. 

Changmin put his phone away, hugging his knees to his chest.

He was never ready to say goodbye. But he was certainly ready for when the two of them could reunite for good.

**Author's Note:**

> Cross-posted on AFF


End file.
